There are several instances in Scripture where someone, who has not done any wrong, apologized on behalf of someone else. They identified with the one(s) who had done wrong and apologized for them. This showed the people that God wanted us to realize we are in community and that we are, indeed, our brother's keeper. One of the great examples of this is found in Daniel 9 where Daniel intercedes with God to fulfill His promise and end the captivity. Daniel, who elsewhere is noted as one of the most righteous men of the Old Testament, clothes himself in sackcloth and confesses his sins and the sins of his people.
I prayed to the Lord my God and confessed: O Lord, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with all who love him and keep his commandments, we have sinned and done wrong. We have been wicked and rebelled; we have turned away from your commands and laws. ... Lord, you are righteous, but this day we are covered with shame ... because we have sinned against you ... While I was speaking and praying, confessing my sin and the sin of my people Israel and making my request to the Lord my God for his holy hill ...
Daniel did not personally participate in the sins that caused his people to have God's judgement come upon them and yet, in this prayer, he is joining with his people in their sin and shame. He is identifying himself with his people, recognizing that they are a community and what some have done affected everyone.
Paul recognized this community principle and stated it in 2 Corinthians 11:28 - 29:
Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches. Who is weak, and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn?
Unfortunately, in Western Christianity we have forgotten this principle as we placed our emphasis on the individual and individuality. Western culture celebrates individuality and has placed it far above community and the Church embraced that cultural message wholeheartedly. That is one of the main reasons why, in my opinion, Western society is now tearing itself apart. This is also why marriage is now just a word whose definition can be changed at whim to suit the desires of the individual. And so we, the Church in the West, bear responsibility for the demise of marriage from what God, who created marriage, said it should be. While we were saying that marriage was sacred and quoting Scripture about the sanctity of marriage and that it is between one man and one woman only, our actions showed that marriage was anything but sacred to us. Not only did God create marriage, thus earning the right to define it (whenever you create something, everyone recognizes your right to define it - stating what it is and what its role is), but He also created it as a witness, or picture, pointing to a heavenly reality, as is stated in Ephesians 5:25-26, 31-32:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church, and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ... For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church.
With the high rates of divorce, lack of love, regular outbursts of rage, adultery and all around selfishness in the marriages of those who called themselves Christians and regularly attend church, we created a very different picture to the world than the relationship of Christ and the church. So is it any surprise that people outside the Church looked at our actions and concluded that the definition of marriage is up for grabs? As long as Christians put individuality over community we will continue to have Ashley Madison type scandals and we will continue to see marriage redefined by society until it it thrown out all together as something that has become completely meaningless. Before this week most of us, myself included, had never heard of Ashley Madison, now it is all over the news around the world. Deep down we know, and even unbelievers know, that marriage is important and so is the keeping of our marriage vows. Why else are people shocked and saddened by this Ashley Madison story? Why are love stories with happily ever after still such a big seller in movies?
Therefore I believe we need to repent and issue a heartfelt apology. Even if our individual marriages are strong, we should have realized how weak we were all becoming and burned inwardly for everyone else whose marriages were weak and falling apart. I know that many Christians, pastors and others, have spoken about this until they finally gave up in defeat (after all, if more than half of your church has been divorced; what is the point of preaching from Malachi that God hates divorce? You run the risk of driving most of your congregation away). We got so burned out and worried about being seen as judging people that we quit trying to lovingly point out the truth that would help them and to warn them to go back onto the right path before they were devoured.
So, following Daniel's example - I'm sorry. I'm sorry, God, for we have sinned. Even though my marriage is nearly 25 years and I love my wife, I didn't always treat her like You said I should. I didn't always treat my marriage with the honor that your Word made clear I should. I didn't always love her like You commanded me to. So I have sinned and I share responsibility, along with the rest of the Church in the West for the state of marriage now. I apologize to you, Lord, and ask your forgiveness.
I apologize to all the unbelievers out there. We said that marriage was sacred, but we were truly hypocritical about it. I'm sorry that we fought with you over the definition of marriage because we said it was so important and then look how many of us showed up involved in some type of Ashley Madison scandal. Like the song says, sometimes you don't know what you've got until it's gone. In our defense it is true that God created and defined marriage, not us. So even while divorce and immorality and selfishness was rampant among church-going Christians, it doesn't change the truth, it just means that many of us chose to live a lie. You probably won't realize that until marriage is truly a meaningless term and individuality has grown into an idol that everyone worships - alone.
I apologize to the older generations. You started this self worship but we took it way beyond anything you ever dreamed of and we are busily destroying the society that you worked hard to build and defend. We should have seen where you went wrong and corrected things and we should have heard what you said was right and listened.
I apologize to my children and their generation. I'm so sorry that you will inherit this mess and be so confused that you really will have a hard time developing any kind of lasting, meaningful relationship. I'm sorry that you have to now make choices that we never faced, choices like, "Do I go to my friend's same-sex wedding? I love my friend and want to turn them to Jesus, but I don't really agree with this, so what do I do?" I'm so sorry that it seems like almost everywhere you look, something that the Church said was a pillar that gave your world structure is now tumbling down. I'm sorry for all of you who grew up in homes where marriages fell apart before your eyes and no one tended to your wounds. I'm sorry that you don't even know how to talk to your peers in the Church who are openly homosexual or openly sexually immoral because when you looked at us, you saw a generation who put their own desires, right or wrong, above everything else; so what can you say to your peers who state that these are their desires and God didn't change them, so who are you to judge?
There is a song about worship with the following lyrics which fit what I'm feeling:
I'm sorry God for the thing I've made it,
When it is all about You, all about You ...
I'm sorry for the thing we have made of marriage. I pray that God will have mercy on us and that marriage will become sacred to Christians again. No matter what society says and no matter what marriage is defined as or not defined as, I pray that Christians will value and defend marriage, starting with their own. I pray that the younger generation won't look at our corporate example but instead will hear God and His Word and follow it. I pray that we will begin to walk humbly with our God. I pray that we will repent of whatever way we contributed to this, even if it is just that we are part of the same community where such massive failure took place.
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