There are several instances in Scripture where someone, who has not done any wrong, apologized on behalf of someone else. They identified with the one(s) who had done wrong and apologized for them. This showed the people that God wanted us to realize we are in community and that we are, indeed, our brother's keeper. One of the great examples of this is found in Daniel 9 where Daniel intercedes with God to fulfill His promise and end the captivity. Daniel, who elsewhere is noted as one of the most righteous men of the Old Testament, clothes himself in sackcloth and confesses his sins and the sins of his people.
I prayed to the Lord my God and confessed: O Lord, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with all who love him and keep his commandments, we have sinned and done wrong. We have been wicked and rebelled; we have turned away from your commands and laws. ... Lord, you are righteous, but this day we are covered with shame ... because we have sinned against you ... While I was speaking and praying, confessing my sin and the sin of my people Israel and making my request to the Lord my God for his holy hill ...
Daniel did not personally participate in the sins that caused his people to have God's judgement come upon them and yet, in this prayer, he is joining with his people in their sin and shame. He is identifying himself with his people, recognizing that they are a community and what some have done affected everyone.
Paul recognized this community principle and stated it in 2 Corinthians 11:28 - 29:
Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches. Who is weak, and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn?
Unfortunately, in Western Christianity we have forgotten this principle as we placed our emphasis on the individual and individuality. Western culture celebrates individuality and has placed it far above community and the Church embraced that cultural message wholeheartedly. That is one of the main reasons why, in my opinion, Western society is now tearing itself apart. This is also why marriage is now just a word whose definition can be changed at whim to suit the desires of the individual. And so we, the Church in the West, bear responsibility for the demise of marriage from what God, who created marriage, said it should be. While we were saying that marriage was sacred and quoting Scripture about the sanctity of marriage and that it is between one man and one woman only, our actions showed that marriage was anything but sacred to us. Not only did God create marriage, thus earning the right to define it (whenever you create something, everyone recognizes your right to define it - stating what it is and what its role is), but He also created it as a witness, or picture, pointing to a heavenly reality, as is stated in Ephesians 5:25-26, 31-32:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church, and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ... For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church.
With the high rates of divorce, lack of love, regular outbursts of rage, adultery and all around selfishness in the marriages of those who called themselves Christians and regularly attend church, we created a very different picture to the world than the relationship of Christ and the church. So is it any surprise that people outside the Church looked at our actions and concluded that the definition of marriage is up for grabs? As long as Christians put individuality over community we will continue to have Ashley Madison type scandals and we will continue to see marriage redefined by society until it it thrown out all together as something that has become completely meaningless. Before this week most of us, myself included, had never heard of Ashley Madison, now it is all over the news around the world. Deep down we know, and even unbelievers know, that marriage is important and so is the keeping of our marriage vows. Why else are people shocked and saddened by this Ashley Madison story? Why are love stories with happily ever after still such a big seller in movies?
Therefore I believe we need to repent and issue a heartfelt apology. Even if our individual marriages are strong, we should have realized how weak we were all becoming and burned inwardly for everyone else whose marriages were weak and falling apart. I know that many Christians, pastors and others, have spoken about this until they finally gave up in defeat (after all, if more than half of your church has been divorced; what is the point of preaching from Malachi that God hates divorce? You run the risk of driving most of your congregation away). We got so burned out and worried about being seen as judging people that we quit trying to lovingly point out the truth that would help them and to warn them to go back onto the right path before they were devoured.
So, following Daniel's example - I'm sorry. I'm sorry, God, for we have sinned. Even though my marriage is nearly 25 years and I love my wife, I didn't always treat her like You said I should. I didn't always treat my marriage with the honor that your Word made clear I should. I didn't always love her like You commanded me to. So I have sinned and I share responsibility, along with the rest of the Church in the West for the state of marriage now. I apologize to you, Lord, and ask your forgiveness.
I apologize to all the unbelievers out there. We said that marriage was sacred, but we were truly hypocritical about it. I'm sorry that we fought with you over the definition of marriage because we said it was so important and then look how many of us showed up involved in some type of Ashley Madison scandal. Like the song says, sometimes you don't know what you've got until it's gone. In our defense it is true that God created and defined marriage, not us. So even while divorce and immorality and selfishness was rampant among church-going Christians, it doesn't change the truth, it just means that many of us chose to live a lie. You probably won't realize that until marriage is truly a meaningless term and individuality has grown into an idol that everyone worships - alone.
I apologize to the older generations. You started this self worship but we took it way beyond anything you ever dreamed of and we are busily destroying the society that you worked hard to build and defend. We should have seen where you went wrong and corrected things and we should have heard what you said was right and listened.
I apologize to my children and their generation. I'm so sorry that you will inherit this mess and be so confused that you really will have a hard time developing any kind of lasting, meaningful relationship. I'm sorry that you have to now make choices that we never faced, choices like, "Do I go to my friend's same-sex wedding? I love my friend and want to turn them to Jesus, but I don't really agree with this, so what do I do?" I'm so sorry that it seems like almost everywhere you look, something that the Church said was a pillar that gave your world structure is now tumbling down. I'm sorry for all of you who grew up in homes where marriages fell apart before your eyes and no one tended to your wounds. I'm sorry that you don't even know how to talk to your peers in the Church who are openly homosexual or openly sexually immoral because when you looked at us, you saw a generation who put their own desires, right or wrong, above everything else; so what can you say to your peers who state that these are their desires and God didn't change them, so who are you to judge?
There is a song about worship with the following lyrics which fit what I'm feeling:
I'm sorry God for the thing I've made it,
When it is all about You, all about You ...
I'm sorry for the thing we have made of marriage. I pray that God will have mercy on us and that marriage will become sacred to Christians again. No matter what society says and no matter what marriage is defined as or not defined as, I pray that Christians will value and defend marriage, starting with their own. I pray that the younger generation won't look at our corporate example but instead will hear God and His Word and follow it. I pray that we will begin to walk humbly with our God. I pray that we will repent of whatever way we contributed to this, even if it is just that we are part of the same community where such massive failure took place.
Friday, August 28, 2015
Saturday, August 15, 2015
What is your standard for your life?
This blog is coming a little late because our phone lines and Internet service have been down for a few days. In the United States it would incredibly rare for a person's land line to be out of service for a few days without some kind of disaster being involved. Here in Africa though, outages happens regularly. In fact, the functioning of infrastructure here in general can be very hit or miss. That's why we say here, "TIA (This Is Africa)." We have public water supply, but it goes out every month. The electricity goes out generally once a month. There are potholes on a lot of the roadways and there are lots of speed bumps, all designed to test the suspension system of your vehicle. I have to dodge cows, even on the main highways. In my neighborhood alone, there are several sewer leaks that go months without repair.
This reminded me of an argument that I had some years ago with an engineering society over how their infrastructure report card was graded. They published a report card every couple of years on the state of American infrastructure. Usually the grades ranged in the D's and C's. I began to think about how American infrastructure compares with infrastructure in Third World countries and wondered how these grades were determined. What were they comparing it to? If American water works are a "D", what grade would African water works receive? I inquired as to how the grades were determined and found out that it was done by survey. Every two years the engineering society sent a survey form to a selection of engineers in each state and got their opinions as to the state of infrastructure. This selection often changed so the surveys were surveying different people between one survey and the next. As an engineer, I was aghast. If the physical condition of something was going to be graded and then tracked over time it needed to be by some means that was measurable, some kind of standard, not an opinion survey. Before I retired from working as an engineer I developed a formula to grade physical inspections of infrastructure in an effort to create an objective standard and proposed this. While it generated some interest, I don't think my proposed standard and related formulas were accepted.
To put this in plain language instead of tech speak - we need objective standards to measure things, not surveys. Surveys are only good for measuring feelings, likes and dislikes. If you surveyed a group of children in a classroom and asked them to show you an inch using their thumb and a finger, you would get all kinds of different answers. If you wanted the correct answer you would give them a ruler and ask them to show you an inch. The answers you get might be close to an actual inch if the children had been using rulers recently and probably the answers (finger measurement) would be more and more inaccurate the longer the children went without looking at a ruler.
The same rule (going by an objective standard rather than surveys) applies to morality in society. What do you consider to be right and wrong, good and evil? Do you get this from a standard, or do you determine what is good and bad based on what the majority of your peers say is good and bad? In other words, do you just survey popular opinion and your own feelings to determine what you think is good and what is evil? If that is the case, then what you think is good and what is evil today is different from what you thought 5 years ago and what you think will be good and what will be bad will be different 5 years from now because popular opinion changes all the time. If you were asked if cannibalism is wrong, how do you determine your answer? Most people would say that cannibalism is wrong and in fact, it is against the law in most countries. But is your answer based on your feeling, "Ew, that's gross!" and the fact that most of your peers consider it gross, or is your answer based on some objective standard? I use the example of cannibalism because cannibalism has been considered to be evil by the West for a long time but now there is a growing interest in women eating their placentas. It is growing in popularity as evidenced by the fact that there is now a placenta cookbook and the concept even has a name - placentophagia. This was all featured in New York Magazine about 4 years ago. The belief is that there are supposed health benefits, even though none of it has been proven. In 1998, an English celebrity TV chef cooked a placenta on his TV show and served it up to a dinner party. Isn't that cannibalism? The definition of cannibalism is the consumption of human flesh by another human being. If you base the rightness or wrongness of this on your feelings and popular opinion, that may well mean you will think cannibalism is ok 5 years from now. No wonder Western morality is changing so rapidly. Do you like what you see now? What do you think things will be like 5 years from now? I think that a lot of this thinking came about when many people believed the lie that you can't legislate morality (meaning we can't agree on a standard of morality) and that came about from the lie that there is no objective truth or standard. Every time society says that something is illegal, it is legislating morality. Morality is our definition of what is right and what is wrong as evidenced by our laws and social norms of behavior. However if morality is determined just by the feelings of the majority then we are basing right and wrong on what is popular today and that will change tomorrow. There should be a standard and Western society once had a standard but now has gotten rid of it and replaced it with, "Do whatever you feel like."
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? Jeremiah 17:9
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness ... 2 Timothy 3:16
He who is the Glory of Israel does not lie or change his mind; for he is not a man, that he should change his mind. 1 Samuel 15:29
There is an objective standard and it is the Bible, which is the Word of God. As we see in the next verse, God doesn't change His mind, however the first verse shows that our heart and mind changes constantly because it is more deceitful than anything.
So what is your standard for determining right and wrong for yourself and everyone around you? Is is a standard, or is it just a survey of your feelings and what is popular?
This reminded me of an argument that I had some years ago with an engineering society over how their infrastructure report card was graded. They published a report card every couple of years on the state of American infrastructure. Usually the grades ranged in the D's and C's. I began to think about how American infrastructure compares with infrastructure in Third World countries and wondered how these grades were determined. What were they comparing it to? If American water works are a "D", what grade would African water works receive? I inquired as to how the grades were determined and found out that it was done by survey. Every two years the engineering society sent a survey form to a selection of engineers in each state and got their opinions as to the state of infrastructure. This selection often changed so the surveys were surveying different people between one survey and the next. As an engineer, I was aghast. If the physical condition of something was going to be graded and then tracked over time it needed to be by some means that was measurable, some kind of standard, not an opinion survey. Before I retired from working as an engineer I developed a formula to grade physical inspections of infrastructure in an effort to create an objective standard and proposed this. While it generated some interest, I don't think my proposed standard and related formulas were accepted.
To put this in plain language instead of tech speak - we need objective standards to measure things, not surveys. Surveys are only good for measuring feelings, likes and dislikes. If you surveyed a group of children in a classroom and asked them to show you an inch using their thumb and a finger, you would get all kinds of different answers. If you wanted the correct answer you would give them a ruler and ask them to show you an inch. The answers you get might be close to an actual inch if the children had been using rulers recently and probably the answers (finger measurement) would be more and more inaccurate the longer the children went without looking at a ruler.
The same rule (going by an objective standard rather than surveys) applies to morality in society. What do you consider to be right and wrong, good and evil? Do you get this from a standard, or do you determine what is good and bad based on what the majority of your peers say is good and bad? In other words, do you just survey popular opinion and your own feelings to determine what you think is good and what is evil? If that is the case, then what you think is good and what is evil today is different from what you thought 5 years ago and what you think will be good and what will be bad will be different 5 years from now because popular opinion changes all the time. If you were asked if cannibalism is wrong, how do you determine your answer? Most people would say that cannibalism is wrong and in fact, it is against the law in most countries. But is your answer based on your feeling, "Ew, that's gross!" and the fact that most of your peers consider it gross, or is your answer based on some objective standard? I use the example of cannibalism because cannibalism has been considered to be evil by the West for a long time but now there is a growing interest in women eating their placentas. It is growing in popularity as evidenced by the fact that there is now a placenta cookbook and the concept even has a name - placentophagia. This was all featured in New York Magazine about 4 years ago. The belief is that there are supposed health benefits, even though none of it has been proven. In 1998, an English celebrity TV chef cooked a placenta on his TV show and served it up to a dinner party. Isn't that cannibalism? The definition of cannibalism is the consumption of human flesh by another human being. If you base the rightness or wrongness of this on your feelings and popular opinion, that may well mean you will think cannibalism is ok 5 years from now. No wonder Western morality is changing so rapidly. Do you like what you see now? What do you think things will be like 5 years from now? I think that a lot of this thinking came about when many people believed the lie that you can't legislate morality (meaning we can't agree on a standard of morality) and that came about from the lie that there is no objective truth or standard. Every time society says that something is illegal, it is legislating morality. Morality is our definition of what is right and what is wrong as evidenced by our laws and social norms of behavior. However if morality is determined just by the feelings of the majority then we are basing right and wrong on what is popular today and that will change tomorrow. There should be a standard and Western society once had a standard but now has gotten rid of it and replaced it with, "Do whatever you feel like."
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? Jeremiah 17:9
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness ... 2 Timothy 3:16
He who is the Glory of Israel does not lie or change his mind; for he is not a man, that he should change his mind. 1 Samuel 15:29
There is an objective standard and it is the Bible, which is the Word of God. As we see in the next verse, God doesn't change His mind, however the first verse shows that our heart and mind changes constantly because it is more deceitful than anything.
So what is your standard for determining right and wrong for yourself and everyone around you? Is is a standard, or is it just a survey of your feelings and what is popular?
Friday, July 31, 2015
Don't Believe the Lies
They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator-who is forever praised. Amen. Romans 1:25
No one likes being lied to. Whenever we discover that someone has been lying to us it makes us mad and it can really damage that relationship. When my children were young, doing something wrong and lying about it would earn them double punishment. Sometimes whatever they did that they thought was wrong, wasn't really all that wrong and I wanted to give them grace, but when they tried to cover it up with a lie, well then they definitely got punished and I would tell them that it was because of the lie. I wanted them to tell the truth at all times!
So, lying is something that is universally hated yet it is also something that we universally practice. We have all lied at one time or another to other people, but we most often tell lies to ourselves. Lying is so universally practiced that we have divided it into degrees and given different types of lies different names, just like Inuit have several different names for ice. Since lying is so universally despised yet so universally practiced, I guess that makes us all hypocrites (another type of lying which is given its own name and used as a put down), doesn't it? We know that we lie because we justify our lying. Whenever we have to justify something, especially to ourselves, then that is an indicator that deep down, we know it is wrong. We justify lying by calling it a "white" lie, which we think is acceptable, or we tell ourselves that the other person did something to us, or will do something to us that justifies our lying to them.
Whether we walk in truth or lies is a choice that we make. We can make whatever excuses we want to but it doesn't change the fact that we choose to either walk in truth or walk in lies. Psalm 119:29-30 says, "Keep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to me through your law. I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws."
The lies we tell ourselves can be the worst lies of all. They can be the lie that an abused woman tells herself when she tells herself that it is her fault that her husband beats her, or she tells herself that if she can just be good enough he won't beat her. It can be the lie that a person tells themselves when they leave a position because they think they aren't good enough (good meaning merit rather than skills or work attitude), even when their employer tells them that they are a good worker (this kind of thing can happen more often in ministry). It can be the lie where we tell ourselves that we have done nothing wrong, that we haven't sinned, even when it is clear from the Word of God that we have. There is also the lie that we tell ourselves that there is no objective truth. We say that something is true for someone else, but not for us. This means we can't be living a lie because we are living in our own version of the truth. People, please! There is subjective truth and there is objective truth. To say that there is no objective, or absolute, truth is making a statement of absolute truth, and thus showing that we are living in a lie. We already know what subjective truth statements are - those are statements of personal preference. I like coffee and my wife does not. I can say, truthfully, that coffee tastes wonderful. My wife can also say, truthfully, that coffee tastes horrible. We can both be speaking the truth and both be right because we are talking about personal preferences. However, if I say that God exists and my wife says that there is no God, then one of us is wrong, because we are both making absolute statements. I can't say that the fact of God's existence is true for me but it isn't true for my wife (meaning that I'm right and she's right) because one of us is wrong. In fact, when people make the statement that there is no absolute or objective truth, they are almost always talking about something that has a moral dimension of good and bad, and they are really performing a cover-up (there's one of those other names for lying) and they don't want to answer the question and have their behavior examined against good and bad, right and wrong.
The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. ... For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. ... Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator-who is forever praised. Amen Romans 1:18,19, 21, 24 and 25
Here is another lie that we tell ourselves - that our sinful desires are just part of who we are and that means we must satisfy those desires rather than abstaining from them. I have met people who justify their sinful behavior, even when they secretly feel ashamed of it, by stating that they had prayed for God to take the desire away and He didn't, so that means it is a part of who they are and they must just embrace it (and so should I if I know what is good for me!). The Word of God makes it quite clear that we all have sinful desires, but that we aren't supposed to give in to them and that Christians can indeed gain a measure of victory over those desires. 1 Peter 2:11 says, "Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul."
I used to often think that people rejected me. When I was a child, my mother didn't tell me that she loved me and a few times she stated that she didn't want me. So I grew up with a spirit of rejection. When people didn't react the way I wanted them to react, I often thought they were rejecting me. I was telling myself a lie. God used my wife to help me see the truth. Yes, sometimes some people do reject me, but that is a lot rarer than I thought. Sometimes some people reject what I said or did, but that doesn't mean that they rejected me. Most of the time, people just don't react to something that I have said or did the way I think they should and no rejection of any kind is meant, they are just individuals reacting in their individual way, or not reacting at all because it didn't even register with them.
Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you shall know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:31-32
So, what lies are you telling yourself? Examine yourself against the Word of God and what God says about you, both what you are and what you can become, and don't believe the lies.
No one likes being lied to. Whenever we discover that someone has been lying to us it makes us mad and it can really damage that relationship. When my children were young, doing something wrong and lying about it would earn them double punishment. Sometimes whatever they did that they thought was wrong, wasn't really all that wrong and I wanted to give them grace, but when they tried to cover it up with a lie, well then they definitely got punished and I would tell them that it was because of the lie. I wanted them to tell the truth at all times!
So, lying is something that is universally hated yet it is also something that we universally practice. We have all lied at one time or another to other people, but we most often tell lies to ourselves. Lying is so universally practiced that we have divided it into degrees and given different types of lies different names, just like Inuit have several different names for ice. Since lying is so universally despised yet so universally practiced, I guess that makes us all hypocrites (another type of lying which is given its own name and used as a put down), doesn't it? We know that we lie because we justify our lying. Whenever we have to justify something, especially to ourselves, then that is an indicator that deep down, we know it is wrong. We justify lying by calling it a "white" lie, which we think is acceptable, or we tell ourselves that the other person did something to us, or will do something to us that justifies our lying to them.
Whether we walk in truth or lies is a choice that we make. We can make whatever excuses we want to but it doesn't change the fact that we choose to either walk in truth or walk in lies. Psalm 119:29-30 says, "Keep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to me through your law. I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws."
The lies we tell ourselves can be the worst lies of all. They can be the lie that an abused woman tells herself when she tells herself that it is her fault that her husband beats her, or she tells herself that if she can just be good enough he won't beat her. It can be the lie that a person tells themselves when they leave a position because they think they aren't good enough (good meaning merit rather than skills or work attitude), even when their employer tells them that they are a good worker (this kind of thing can happen more often in ministry). It can be the lie where we tell ourselves that we have done nothing wrong, that we haven't sinned, even when it is clear from the Word of God that we have. There is also the lie that we tell ourselves that there is no objective truth. We say that something is true for someone else, but not for us. This means we can't be living a lie because we are living in our own version of the truth. People, please! There is subjective truth and there is objective truth. To say that there is no objective, or absolute, truth is making a statement of absolute truth, and thus showing that we are living in a lie. We already know what subjective truth statements are - those are statements of personal preference. I like coffee and my wife does not. I can say, truthfully, that coffee tastes wonderful. My wife can also say, truthfully, that coffee tastes horrible. We can both be speaking the truth and both be right because we are talking about personal preferences. However, if I say that God exists and my wife says that there is no God, then one of us is wrong, because we are both making absolute statements. I can't say that the fact of God's existence is true for me but it isn't true for my wife (meaning that I'm right and she's right) because one of us is wrong. In fact, when people make the statement that there is no absolute or objective truth, they are almost always talking about something that has a moral dimension of good and bad, and they are really performing a cover-up (there's one of those other names for lying) and they don't want to answer the question and have their behavior examined against good and bad, right and wrong.
The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. ... For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. ... Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator-who is forever praised. Amen Romans 1:18,19, 21, 24 and 25
Here is another lie that we tell ourselves - that our sinful desires are just part of who we are and that means we must satisfy those desires rather than abstaining from them. I have met people who justify their sinful behavior, even when they secretly feel ashamed of it, by stating that they had prayed for God to take the desire away and He didn't, so that means it is a part of who they are and they must just embrace it (and so should I if I know what is good for me!). The Word of God makes it quite clear that we all have sinful desires, but that we aren't supposed to give in to them and that Christians can indeed gain a measure of victory over those desires. 1 Peter 2:11 says, "Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul."
I used to often think that people rejected me. When I was a child, my mother didn't tell me that she loved me and a few times she stated that she didn't want me. So I grew up with a spirit of rejection. When people didn't react the way I wanted them to react, I often thought they were rejecting me. I was telling myself a lie. God used my wife to help me see the truth. Yes, sometimes some people do reject me, but that is a lot rarer than I thought. Sometimes some people reject what I said or did, but that doesn't mean that they rejected me. Most of the time, people just don't react to something that I have said or did the way I think they should and no rejection of any kind is meant, they are just individuals reacting in their individual way, or not reacting at all because it didn't even register with them.
Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you shall know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:31-32
So, what lies are you telling yourself? Examine yourself against the Word of God and what God says about you, both what you are and what you can become, and don't believe the lies.
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
Why Fathers?
He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse. Malachi 4:6
This line is the last sentence in the last book of the Old Testament, the promise of sending the prophet Elijah to turn the fathers to their children and the children to their fathers. This speaks to the power of fathers, whether for good or for bad since it is fathers that should initiate the turning and the children will respond. In Ephesians 6:4 it is fathers who are charged to train their children in the Lord and to not exasperate them. Going back to Malachi 4:6 it says in effect that alienation between fathers and children will lead to a curse. This curse can be seen played out in the effects upon any person or group that struggles with fatherlessness. An African friend who ministers to children recently posted statistics that show 85% of children with behavioral problems come from fatherless homes and these children are much more likely to end up in prison, drop out of school and commit suicide. All of this shows that fatherlessness leads to a curse. Fatherlessness can mean fathers not being present in the home and the lives of children, or it can mean fathers being bad fathers as pointed out in Ephesians 4:6.
So what are the characteristics of a good father? I believe that we find our right identity by being what God says we are supposed to be when called into a certain role or, if there isn't something specifically said about it, by imitating God's character as it relates to that role. A good father is:
This line is the last sentence in the last book of the Old Testament, the promise of sending the prophet Elijah to turn the fathers to their children and the children to their fathers. This speaks to the power of fathers, whether for good or for bad since it is fathers that should initiate the turning and the children will respond. In Ephesians 6:4 it is fathers who are charged to train their children in the Lord and to not exasperate them. Going back to Malachi 4:6 it says in effect that alienation between fathers and children will lead to a curse. This curse can be seen played out in the effects upon any person or group that struggles with fatherlessness. An African friend who ministers to children recently posted statistics that show 85% of children with behavioral problems come from fatherless homes and these children are much more likely to end up in prison, drop out of school and commit suicide. All of this shows that fatherlessness leads to a curse. Fatherlessness can mean fathers not being present in the home and the lives of children, or it can mean fathers being bad fathers as pointed out in Ephesians 4:6.
So what are the characteristics of a good father? I believe that we find our right identity by being what God says we are supposed to be when called into a certain role or, if there isn't something specifically said about it, by imitating God's character as it relates to that role. A good father is:
- One who loves their child and affirms their identity in a positive way. When Jesus was baptized the Father said, "This is my Son, whom I love, with him I am well pleased." Matthew 3:11. The Father publicly identified His Son and stated his love and that He was pleased with him. This affirmation came before Jesus began his public ministry.
- One who casts a vision for his child. In John 5:19 - 23 Jesus said, "... I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself, he can only do what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. For the Father loves the Son and shows him all he does. Yes, to your amazement he will show him even greater things than these. For just as the Father raises the dead and gives them life, even so the Son gives life to whom he is pleased to give it. Moreover, the Father judges no one, but has entrusted all judgement to the Son, that all may honor the Son just as they honor the Father. He who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent him." In this we see Jesus relating that the Father has cast a vision and the Son is carrying it out.
- One who is careful to discipline his child. Boys are naturally more aggressive than girls due to the greater amount of testosterone present. A good father directs that aggression into positive outlets and models good behavior. He trains his sons to use that aggression to become protectors, otherwise they will likely become predators. Proverbs 13:24 states, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."
- One who provides for their child, protects the child and who trains their child. A child must be protected from bad influences, but that doesn't necessarily mean removing the influences, sometimes it means teaching the child to recognize the danger and act accordingly. It is just as dangerous to keep all dangers and bad influences from a child as it is to leave them completely unprotected. It we try to keep our children too safe then they will grow up weak and unprepared to deal with dangers as adults.
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